This is going to be a bitch and complain kind of post. I try to keep positive but sometimes I think it’s okay for me to
complainbitch a little. right?
As I have talked about in my previous post, lately everything around me has had to do with babies. I find my self rolling my eyes and saying to myself “oh really? what are the chances?” or “how ironic”. It’s actually getting ridiculous. I start to wonder if I am over sensitive or if it really is just a sick coincidence, or if it’s just God’ way of showing me that he CAN make it worse and I need to suck it up.
Here are a few examples I’ve encountered in the past few weeks:
1)Purchasing Prenatal vitamins-I only buy these once a month but the last THREE times I have gone to purchase them(at Wal-mart, because they are cheaper) there has either been one box left that is all beat up and it makes me not want to buy it for the fear something could be wrong with them, or there are NONE left. Now, I actually go out on limb and purchase the One A Day’s which are more expensive than all the other million of prenatals out there. I know I can take the cheap ones and be fine but I just choose to buy these. So the last TWO times I have gone, they have been completely out. Right now, I dont usually go to Wal-mart since the one closest to our apartment is ghetto, but I do go there for these vitamins, so when I make that trip to the land of the ghetto and they are out, of course I get
frustated PISSED. So then I end up going to Harris Teeter right across from our apartment already mad that I am going to pay like $8 more for them there, so I walk up to the pharmacy and look down at the rack and guess what?? They are out too!!! And this has happened to me the last two months. So of course my first thought is “Great everyone is trying to get prego or they already are, everyone except me!!” I know this is stupid but come on!!
2) Baby Boom– Is there something in the water?!? ( Can I have some please?!)Every time I turn around one of my friends is pregnant or having a child. Now last year when I wasnt trying to conceive this wasnt happening, but of course it starts happening when I am trying and having no luck! Sorry for the bitterness but I’m just being real.
3) Facebook pregnancy announcements Now, I know I will be so excited to do this if the day ever comes so I’m not mad at anyone for doing it BUT right now, every time I sign on Facebook the first 5 statuses are someone announcing their pregnancy, a picture of a sonogram or, someone revealing the gender of their child, or a picture of someones kid doing something extremely cute. So now, every time I log onto Facebook I hold my breath, but it never seems to fail. A daily smack in the face! love it.
4) The dreaded question-“When are you having babies?” I get asked this at least twice a week, and sometimes by the same people who asked me the previous week. I know it is a conversation starter,and most people mean no harm by it, but dang it I hate this question!!!! I’m sure the people wonder what the heck is wrong with me when they ask me, because I kind of choke a little and want to run and hide, but now I am just replying with “soon!” and a little fake grin/laugh and try to leave the conversation asap.
5) Pregnant Women EVERYWHERE-It makes me want to stay in and never go out. At first I thought I could just be noticing this more often since I am jealous, but no, I can’t even try to make an excuse for this. I went to the mall this weekend( havent been in forever) and every line I stood in to check out there was pregnant chick in front/behind me. I tried to go to the mall to get my mind off everything, but I honestly just wanted to leave and go back the house and close all the blinds and disappear from the world. I know this may be a little dramatic, but come to the mall with me, or the grocery store, or to autobell, or out to dinner with me, or come over to my new house and we can sit and chat with my new neighbor who is expecting( she’s really nice, I am just being a brat) and I PROMISE we will encounter a few cute pregnant women.
6) Being Late-This is what is bothering me the most right now. My period is NEVER late, sometimes early but again NEVER EVER late. I bought Clomid last week thinking I would be starting it today. I was actually excited to get my period this month because of course I had already found out through the progesterone tests that I did not ovulate. I wanted it to hurry up and come so I could start taking the medicine. Must have been too much to ask for, because my period is late. If I had not had those tests done I would definitely think I was pregnant right now, because like I said, my period is never late. So really, the one month I was ready and mentally prepared for it to come, its late?!?! WTH!!!??? I mean, this is really messed up, because now it has me wondering if the tests were wrong and has me thinking(which is dangerous) what if? what if I was actually pregnant? Which then has me wanting to take a pregnancy test, and anyone who has struggled to conceive knows that you don’t want to do that because there is nothing that will ruin your day like ANOTHER negative test. But or course, then I snap myself back into reality and remember the tests said I didn’t ovulate, so how could I be?So right now, according to the tests, I’m not pregnant and my period is also late delaying the start of me taking the medicine that will hopefully help me get pregnant which then in turn delays me getting pregnant!! UGH!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, there are more examples but I think you get the point. I just wish I could catch a break and try to do something that will actually take my mind off this but apparently its just not my month and I gotta keep rolling with the punches.
Thanks for listening to my rant!
Until Next Time…