I’m ready to get off of this rollercoaster now! I have never experienced such crazy, intense emotions before. I have always just been a happy person, even through the dark days I was generally happy so it’s very odd for me to feel sad. Of course, if I see little bean and possibly the heartbeat on Thursday all of this will be worth it, but I am
tired emotionally exhausted.
From what I have been told, these crazy mood swings I have been experiencing are due to the hormone changes going on in my body right now. I agree but also think that some of it has to do with this agonizing wait and the fear of the unknown. I find myself happy, positive and full of energy one minute and then the next I am tired, sad , pessimistic and basically feeling depressed. I guess I can now say I know what it feels like to be depressed, and it’s awful. I’m finding it hard to keep up with myself, my mood changes so quickly I find myself scratching my head thinking “wait why I am I so sad, I thought I was having a great day.” It’s very hard to explain especially because I have never dealt with any type of mood swing or depression before.
It’s even worse at work, this week has been very slow for me, so of course I have plenty of time to sit here to think and worry about the possible outcome of Thursday. I feel like someone is controlling my brain by a light switch and its constantly being turned on and off. I wish it would stop!
I also have had a few days of feeling nauseous, nothing too bad. I wonder if I am imagining it since morning sickness would be a good sign for me. Of course I would love to never have to experience but again, I feel like it would give me a peace of mind. I think I would do just about anything for a peace of mind because I feel like I am loosing my mind. Again, it’s just another thing for me not to be in control of. I’ve always wondered where my control issues come from. My dad and I were not close growing up and I feel like it may have been a sense of abandonment for me and the only thing I could ever control was my own life, so to not be able to control certain aspects of my life right now is very hard on me, but again I would do anything for a healthy child!
Yesterday I was in a good mood for the most of the day and despite all the scary things I have seen and read I was overly optimistic. Today, exact opposite. I have that bad feeling again and I’m sure it will make today drag on and make Thursday seem like forever away. Hoping for a better day tomorrow. Any advice out there from moms or mom to be on how to cope with these types of things? Help!
Here are a couple quotes by Joel Osteen that help me think a little more positive.
“Thank God for what he has already done.Be Strong and confident, knowing that the answer is on the way.”
“If you’ll be patient and wait for God’s timing, He will give you the desires of your heart.”
Until Next Time…