Yesterday was a nightmare. Nothing can prepare you for the emotions that you will feel when you are told you lost your child, nor for the emotion you will feel as you are prepped for surgery to remove the pregnancy. Last week started like every other week, I could have never imagined what I was about to go through and I hope I never have to relive a week like this again.
This picture was taken right before I went under. We were trying to stay postive although I was very ill because I was not allowed to eat or drink anything after midnight the night before but it did help that my sweet hubby fasted with me, he is the best.
I thought I would explain a little of what I experienced yesterday just in case some were wondering, or if god forbid any of my friends have to go through this. I ended up getting called in earlier for surgery, they said the doctor was moving fast through his procedures. Well of course that was too good to be true. We(Mark, my mom and I) had to sit in the pre-op room for 2 hours, and it was so nerve-racking. I have never been put to sleep before except for getting my wisdom teeth out and I knew this would be a totally different experience for many different reasons. It was nice to have my mom and Mark there, they tried to keep me in good spirits. There were some characters in the rooms next to us who were being so loud and obnoxious it was almost funny. There was one man right across from us who was talking so loud we could hear everything he was saying to the nurses. We over heard that he was getting his foot amputated and as soon as I heard that I immediately felt better about what I was having done. I just kept telling myself I could be in a worse position. There were many doctors and nurses in and out of the room asking me millions of questions, eventually the doctor(Dr.Wheeler) who was doing the surgery came in and talked to me and made me feel much more relaxed. They gave me a sedative and off I went to the OR. I remember looking around at everything in the OR room, as they strapped me down and prepared me for the surgery. They told me they were going to give me some oxygen and just like that I was out and woke up in recovery. I was very very groggy when I woke up and it took everything I had to keep my eyes open. I did get told by two nurses that I looked like Kate Middleton which made me feel very good because I know I looked and felt like complete death. Eventually I got moved to stage two recovery where Mark and my mom were able to visit, and I found out I was RH negative and they had to give me a shot to protect my future pregnancies. Eventually I was discharged and came home and slept the rest of the day.
I will now say I know that having a D & C was the right choice for me. I actually started to bleed a little yesterday morning so I was relieved to be having it done and getting it over with. From the awesome staff at CMC-Northeast and to all the texts, comments and prayers I received through Facebook yesterday, although I was very nervous I was at peace with the decision I had made. As far as the recovery, it hasnt been so bad. I am pretty sore today and having a hard time getting around but other than that I cannot complain. Not to mention having my hubby all to myself all of this time, he is exactly what I needed.
I really cannot begin to tell you all how much your support has meant to us. We have been so lifted up by everyone it has really made this situation more bearable for us. Although, I slept most of the day yesterday, when I finally did wake up I had so many messages, it took me hours to read them all and reply back. I can only hope and pray if someone has to experience something like this, they have a support system like I do. I had no idea how many people cared about us or how many people I would inspire just by sharing my story. I honestly decided to share my story for me and me only, but it makes me feel great that it has touched and inspired so many of you. I strongly encourage anyone who is going through or may go through something like this in the future to speak out about it. I am in a completely different emotional state than I was on Thursday when I found out this heart breaking news. It has not gotten any easier for me and I still havent fully accepted it, but my heart is bursting with gratitude to every person who has wished us well. We cannot thank you enough. I know that in the next few months I am going to have good and bad days, but I do know on those bad days I will go back and re-read all of these sweet messages I have received and it will bring me to a better place.
Here is a bible verse one of my friends sent to me yesterday that I feel is very appropriate for our situation.
“As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in the mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.”
My best friend Jayme also sent this to me right before I went under.
Until Next Time…