Let me explain why miscarriage(as well as infertility) hurts so much:
There will never be another first pregnancy. I will never again see a positive pregnancy test for the very first time.
There will never be another first time telling my husband he will be a father.
There will never be the first ultrasound (though I can look forward to the first healthy ultrasound).
There will never be the first time to tell people we are pregnant.
There are many important firsts that are gone.
Simply put, we lost our first baby. Though some don’t count a miscarriage as a baby- we do. October will come and go, but that will always be the month we were supposed to meet our baby. For the next 7 months I will be reminded of where I should be in my pregnancy.
Now let me tell you what we get to look forward to, the many firsts that are yet to come (if God’s will leads us there):
Getting pregnant again. Seeing that positive test again.
Becoming a mom and dad again.
Getting to tell our parents, family and friends that we are pregnant for the first time (without telling them we miscarried).
Seeing a heartbeat for the first time. Let me tell you- this will be such a glorious day. I can’t wait.
Watching our baby grow during pregnancy.
Knowing how blessed we are to be pregnant again, and being that much more grateful for a healthy baby.
Seeing our baby. Holding it. Kissing it. Naming it. Raising it.
Though we have grief and sadness to deal with. Grief and sadness that is very, very real. We have so much to look forward to. So for now, we live. We have fun with friends and family. We make dinner plans. We work on our new house. We laugh. We cry. We pray. We celebrate the birth of friends’ babies and their pregnancies. We keep going. But please understand, we grieve, too. It doesn’t just go away, nor get any easier.
Until Next Time…