Faith When I Fall

I wanted to share an excerpt I found on another ladies blog  going through a similar situation, she also notes why blogging is not only beneficial to us, but to our family and friends as well. See Below.

“When you go through fertility treatments and miscarriage you’re in a constant state of struggle. A struggle against yourself: body, mind and spirit. The body is stretched to its limits and constantly fails you. The mind is working overtime, analyzing, comparing, convincing. The spirit is crushed. Pregnancies are visible. Miscarriages and infertility aren’t. You’re noticing everyone around you who is pregnant but can’t see the person next to you who is struggling, like yourself. Donate a Post is about allowing you to see that person.”

“A struggle against misconceptions: At least the parents didn’t get to meet the baby and get attached. They already have a child so if worse comes to worst they’ve got the whole “having kids” thing covered. I’ve had thoughts like that myself, but when I went through this, I realized just how ridiculous these notions are. You start building hopes from the moment you find out you’re pregnant. You become attached to those hopes and to the fragile signifiers of the person to come – the sonograms, the tiny heartbeat. The constant monitoring of that same heartbeat makes it impossible to let go and classify that being under the “not really a person yet” category, as some of our close ones will suggest in attempt to protect us. Donate a post is for you – mother, sister, girlfriend, so you get a better understanding of your loved one’s emotional and mental state.”

Give me love when I ain’t got nobody
A little hope when I ain’t got none at all
Give me light up ahead on a journey
Give me strength when I’m standing
And faith when I fall

 

I really  like this song by Kip Moore. This journey to motherhood has so many ups and downs. One day your strong because you have hope, and the next day your hopes and dreams come crashing down and your gonna need that faith when you fall. 

Sorry I havent really updated much about what is going on with our fertility journey. I have decided I will continue blog  and document what is going on, but keep it private until we have an answer.

The weeks seem to be going by so fast, but it also feels like time is standing still. I can’t believe it’s already April, and our 1 year wedding anniversary is fast approaching.(April 28th) We are planning a trip to Cancun, and I am really excited but at the same time, a little sad because when I thought of our 1 year anniversary, I thought I would be laying out on the beach, with a virgin drink in hand, enjoying the view of my bump. Its going to be total opposite than what I had envisioned, but I am still excited for a getaway with my hubby.

Right now, I just take things day by day, our life is somewhat back to the way it was before I ever found out I was pregnant and I am thankful for a sense of normality. I think I am doing okay around babies, the best I can anyways.

The daily pregnancies announcements still sting, along with the precious weekly pictures of their bumps, a bump I should have right now.. Another thing that really stings is when I see people complaining about their pregnancies or kids on Facebook. Now before anyone gets mad at me for saying that, let me explain…. I know that being pregnant and raising kids isn’t always unicorns and rainbows and if I get the opportunity to become a mom, there are going be times in my pregnancy where I want to kill someone, or times when I want to scream at my children and be done with them for the day , but going through this whole process has really changed my outlook and I think that I will become a better mom because of this. So please, just remember that even though you may have wanted your baby to be certain gender or your tired of being pregnant, tired of the morning sickness, or want to hire a babysitter for week and disappear, just remember there is someone out there that is praying for what you have, every bit of it…the good and the bad. I’m not saying that I wont ever complain because I am sure if I get pregnant again, and have the chance to have children it probably wont be an easy road for me, it never has been, but I do know that I will never take any of it for granted and I will ALWAYS remember that it is a privilege denied to many.

Until Next Time…

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