I want to start this post off by saying Happy Mothers Day to my wonderful mother, all of my friends who are mothers and to all the other mothers out there! I have so many great role models around me and I look up to all of you!
To be honest, I actually didn’t think I would even be posting about today. Mark and I just got back from a week-long cruise for our anniversary and I was really sick the whole time ( just my luck) and along with a busy month of May, I really didn’t think anything about Mothers Day coming up except for buying my mom something nice and celebrating her wonderfulness. However, I was quickly reminded this morning that this Mothers Day is different from any of the past. In my perfect world, I would have been a mother this Mothers day, and in an almost perfect world I was supposed to be a mommie-to be this Mothers day, but in the real world I am not even close. I am aware I just let the cat out of the bag. Our first round Clomid was a failure and we are back at square one AGAIN. We found out the week before we left to go on our vacation that I was not pregnant, and I am so glad that we had the cruise coming up as it gave me something to look forward too and despite me being sick we still had a great time and it took me away from reality for a little bit, but now I am having to come home and deal with the devastation of yet another left down that I left behind. I really thought this would be the month but once again I am brutally reminded that I am not in control of this situation.
Mark and I went through the McDonald’s drive through this morning to get me some ice cream since I can’t really eat anything else(My throat is so swollen) . The lady who was working the drive through greeted us with a smile and said “Happy Mothers Day!!” and Mark responded and said ” Well thanks, you too!” and she responded with ” I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to the mother in the car.” It took me a minute to realize what she had just said, and I blurted out “Too bad I’m not a mother!!” Luckily, I have Laryngitis and she didn’t hear me. Now I know this lady obviously did not know my story and meant no harm by this, but it really upset me and I had to regain my composure after that one. Keep in mind I am on another round of Clomid and anyone who has been on it can vouch that it makes you a little crazy. Needless to say, I am glad that Mark was driving and that I have laryngitis other wise that innocent women could have got caught in the wrath of my storm. I know that lady probably said Happy Mothers Day to everyone who came through the drive through that day, but it still doesn’t change the way it made me feel. Can’t I just go through the drive through to get some ice cream without being reminded that I am still not a mother!?!?!
Infertility is a beast. It is repulsive and always looming in the shadows beyond hope’s edge. This evil monster eagerly waits in the darkness ready to sink its venomous teeth into one’s joy during the most celebratory moments of life: A child’s birthday party; family sporting events; Christmas morning; baby showers; and of course, it completely rips apart Mother’s Day.
We can’t deny it. Infertility is out there. We need to call it out. We need to affirm and support our childless families.
Until Next Time…