Sorry it has been so long since I have posted.I’m sure most of you already know but for those of you that don’t follow me on Facebook, I have some great news!
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You would think that I would have a lot to say about this but in all honesty, I am speechless. There are no words that I can write that describes the amount of happiness I feel. I thought that I would have a lot to say and have some great story to tell you guys, but I feel like I am in a dream and I never want to wake up.
I’ll start off by letting you all know that Baby McSwain was conceived naturally! (However, I was still on the Clomid so somewhat natural) The week I was supposed to get my period and go back to the RE’s office to have the IUI done, is the same week I took the pregnancy test. Seeing those two pinks lines again are something that I will never forget. I was so excited but a huge rush of fear came over me and I was almost overwhelmed. Although Mark knew there was a chance I could be pregnant, I still pulled out the Pampers, and a few props that I had surprised him with the first pregnancy and placed them out for him to see when he got home. Of course the moment I found out, I wanted to tell everyone, but Mark and I decided that because of our previous loss, that we would wait until 12 weeks to let the secret out. I did tell a few close friends and family members but that was it.
The first 8 weeks of this pregnancy I decided to pretend like it wasn’t happening. I did not want to get my hopes up only to lose another child so I tried to keep my mind off of it. Mark and I really just kept to ourselves and stayed quiet. It was SO hard not being able to tell this secret we had waited so long for! As far as pregnancy symptoms, I am one of the lucky ones. No morning sickness here, just the extreme fatigue, hunger and lower back pain. The hardest part of this pregnancy has been the uncertainty, and having a lot of doubt. It has really tested me, but luckily my wonderful husband has been there every step of the way reassuring me that this is our time.
Here is a brief time-line of the past 12 weeks!
7 weeks – Our First look at Baby!! I had a lot of painful cramping the day before and the day of this ultrasound. I was terrified and Mark and I both walked into the doctors office expecting the worse. Not only did we get to see little Baby but we also heard the heartbeat. I have never heard anything like it, I felt like I had waited an eternity to hear that sweet sweet sound. We left the doctors office on top of the world!
9 weeks– we went back and had another ultrasound, Baby M had grown so much, he/she was kicking and wiggling around. Again, another moment I thought I would never get to experience. Pure Bliss!
Here are some pics from 9 weeks.
The 10th week was scary one. I had horrible cramping followed by some spotting and I honestly thought it was over. I thought we were losing this one and it was almost too much to take. I went to the doctor and she was able to find the heartbeat and sent me home with a clean bill of health. I was so relieved but at the same time, I had also been brought back to the darkness of that day. It stole a bit of my sanity and joy and I was on high alert again with this pregnancy.
11 weeks- I went back to the doctor to have my blood drawn for all the 1st trimester screening tests and we heard baby’s heartbeat again. I was told to come back in a week for an ultrasound and to get the results of our tests. Talk about a long week ahead of me!
12 Weeks-This was the week I had been waiting for. This week was a huge milestone not only for the doctors but for myself as well. I just kept telling myself if we could make it to 12 weeks that I would start to have more positive feelings about this pregnancy. At 12 weeks, the miscarriage rate drops to 3%. We had an ultrasound done and I was amazed by how much Baby M had grown, he/she was actually starting to look like a human and we got to see him/her swinging arms and kicking legs. We also received a clean bill of health for baby. For the FIRST time, I was able to breathe and enjoy this little baby growing inside of me and I felt a sense of peace as we left the doctors office that day.
Here are some pics from 12 weeks.
I think he/she is already starting to look like me 😉
I can’t believe I will be 14 weeks in a few days, A-freaking-mazing!
I have received so much support from all of my friends and family. This support is what kept/keeps me pushing through all these times of uncertainty. I still have days where I think all of this is too good to be true, and I feel like I am just waiting on bad news. I also, have had a few nightmares of miscarrying and they seemed so real, I woke up in a panic. I think this just goes along being pregnant after a loss. Your mind and concept of pregnancy is forever changed and you just have to try your best to keep yourself grounded. Right now I am in a good place, we should be finding out the gender in a few weeks. I enjoy every single day of this pregnancy, I do not take one moment for granted. This is the greatest blessing I have ever received and I am glad that I was able to keep my faith throughout this journey because there were definitely times when it was tested. I wish I was able to put more emotion in this blog because I am VERY emotional right now , but I just feel like no matter what I say/write….it will never be able to begin to describe how blessed I feel!! I will continue to keep you all posted, please keep us and this sweet baby in your prayers 🙂
Until Next Time…