It’s crazy how different my life is versus a few months ago. I wake up every single day so grateful for this baby growing inside of me. If I am tired, just not feeling that particular day or sometimes randomly in a bad mood, I think of my beautiful life and this baby and instantly my outlook changes to a positive one. It’s crazy how a human being who has not even entered this world yet can have that effect on me.I finally feel completed and I know that once the baby gets here, that feeling of being completed will only be stronger. A few months ago, All I saw where shades of grey and now I see color, it almost like I am a new person and its a indescribable feeling.
BUT, I would be lying if sometimes my fear of paranoia doesnt creep in and stay for the day sometimes. I hate when it happens but I know that this is natural and I just have to let it takes its course. I read a lot of pregnancy blogs(happy ones) because I really enjoy reading about what other people experienced during their pregnancies. Unfortunately, I sometimes come across the sad blogs and although I know I should not read it, I cannot help it. Reading these blogs(or hearing stories) of couples loosing their children at all different weeks of gestation for many different reasons sends me into a panic. I instantly go back to the “This is too good to be true” mind-set. I don’t think I am lucky enough to one day hold my healthy child in my arms. These couples anguish and despair is more than I can bear to think about much less comprehend. Not only does your life change when you make the decision to bring a child into this world but along with that decision comes accepting the possibility of pain and heartbreak.
I try to remind myself that God chose me to carry this child no matter what happens. My life has a purpose and so does my baby no matter how long he/she is in this world. I have already been blessed more than I deserve and instead of allowing the fear of the unknown take over, I have to lean on the faith of the known. It’s not as easy as it seems, but I know it’s the only way.
On a brighter note, I have been feeling a lot of movement this week. I wish I could feel it all day long but usually its only when I am laying down, but hey I will take whatever I can get. I get to see sweet pea again tomorrow for the 4th week in a row. (Thank to a sweet friend of mine, you know who you are!) I will update you all tomorrow with my 17 week baby bump 🙂
Here is a picture of Baby M getting some loving from his/her aunties over the weekend!
Until Next Time…