Growing up. At some point we all have to do it, and its honestly not such a bad thing. Some of us start the rest of our lives long before our friends do and that’s okay. Not everyone is supposed to be on the same page. There is no “right” time to settle down, get married and have a family. The right time is whatever time works for you. However, I am someone who started the rest of my life at a pretty young age and it has taught me a lot of lessons along the way and has given me a great understanding of how this circle of life is supposed to work.
I posted a status on my Facebook today that got some feedback and I thought it would be a great topic for my blog and also to express MY opinion on how your relationships change with your friends when you begin to “Grow Up.” When you have your first serious relationship, your time with your friends is cut short, you still try to make time for them and make you stay in the loop with everyone, but in all honesty most of the time you would rather be with the one you love. This is why couples hang out with couples. Then you get engaged and get married and with each of these happy milestones in your life you find your friendships changing. Some think that the friendship may be struggling, but I don’t think that’s the case, it’s just changing and as long as you and the friend learn how to both accept the change, the friendship will survive. It’s all about balancing your time and relationship and it is definitely tricky.
I am the first out of most of my friends to get engaged, married and now a baby on the way. Some of my friends are single, some are in new relationships, and some are in long-term relationships. For the longest time, I was the only one with a significant other and this is when I started learning that my relationships would be changing. I slowly stopped getting invited to girls night and it hurt my feelings. However, I also kept in mind that girls night was a time for gossiping and talking about flings and not about how great my husband is. At first, lets face it…it sucked not being included anymore but at the same time I also knew I was in a different place in my life than them and I wasn’t going to hold that against our friendship. I had to learn how to keep up with them as well as my husband. Did I see/talk to my friends every single day like I used to? Nope..but as long as we could pick up where we left off, it wasn’t so bad.
There is nothing wrong with losing friends and gaining new ones. It’s just how life works. One day all of my friends will be married with kids and maybe we can rekindle our relationships then, but until then I have to learn that some thing’s will just never be the same.
One thing that constantly stays on my mind is while I am having big important milestones in my life NOW, some of my friends are not there like I expect them to be. Sure, maybe they are busy, or are going through a life crisis right now trying to figure out who they are..but I cant help but think when they finally do find Mr. Wonderful and possibly settle down to start a family, I am going to be expected to be involved in engagement parties, weddings, baby showers etc. and I can’t WAIT to be apart of all of these special times but at the same time it makes me sad to think that they aren’t involved as they should be with my life in this very moment. Why is that fair?
I know some people have said that when people get married and have kids they leave their friends behind, but I think that once you are in that certain time in your life you will have a better understanding of what is really happening. You have other obligations but it doesn’t mean that you can’t make TIME. I guess what I am trying to say is, don’t call me when its your turn if you weren’t there for me during my turn. This may sound a bit harsh, but it’s the truth and that’s what I mean when I say “You find how who you true friends are” because its the truth. It doesn’t mean that the other friends who were lost along the way aren’t good people, but there is an expectation there! I think that you have to go through marriage to understand how your relationships truly change and it’s a TWO way street.
As I said before, this is LIFE and it happens to everyone. We grow up, we move on and we move forward and maybe somewhere in between all that, those lost friendships can be found again. Until then, you also gain new friends and those friendships can last a life time as well and I am very thankful for them. This cycle continues for the rest of our lives…very few people are hanging out with same friends they hung out with in their 20s when they are in their 60s. People change, they move away, LIFE happens but if you put in the effort and keep the people who are most important to you a priority in your life no matter what is going on, a true friendship will thrive!
Until Next Time…