I can’t believe it has taken me this long to actually post this. I wrote this when he was three weeks old but what can I say…this little boy has kept me VERY busy!
Mr. Beckham Parker McSwain arrived on February 24th at 8:17AM weighing 7 pounds 12 oz and 20 inches long. It is a day that I will never forget and I am still trying to hang on to every moment from the happiest day of my life. We knew our lives would be forever changed the day our son entered this world, but had no idea to extent of it. The piece of my life that has been missing and longed for so long is finally complete and its a surreal feeling. I wish I would have found the time to write this blog right after I got home from the hospital while the memories were still fresh but I must say it has been a very busy and amazing 3 weeks.
I am going to try to make this as short as possible and I apologize in advance if this is lengthy and it sounds like I rambling on but I am one proud mama and I want to remember these moments forever.
On Thursday, February 20th, I woke up and started getting ready for work. Out of no where I thought my water had broke. I was 38 weeks and pure excitement came over me. This was exactly how I pictured it happening, my water breaking at home while Mark was there and we would drive to the hospital in a calm matter. My doctor had already told me as soon as I came to the hospital I could get an epidural so the thought of any pain never really crossed my mind.I decided to go into work until the doctors office opened, after all my office was throwing me a baby shower that day( Too bad I missed it!). After a few hours at work I called the doctor and they had me come into the office to run some tests and decided to send me to the hospital for further testing. I was so nervous but excited at the same time. Unfortunately, the tests came back negative and my water had not broken yet so they sent me home.
That night, I started having contractions. The pain was bearable but I felt like it was getting worse by the hour. I ended up staying home from work the next day due to lack of sleep and basically laid around and contracted all day/night long. I didn’t sleep a wink Friday night and I woke up Saturday morning in even more pain. We started timing out my contractions and they were about 11-15 minutes apart. The doctors had drilled into my head that my contractions needed to be 3-5 minute apart before I would be in active labor and not to come in before that. I didn’t sleep a wink Saturday and when I woke up Sunday morning the pain was SO unbearable but the contractions were about 7-8 minutes apart. I decided to call the doctor on call and see what he thought. He felt as thought it could be time and told us to come in. So again, although I was in intense pain…the situation was under control and I wasn’t worried about delivering a baby on the side of the road like you see in movies. We packed our bags and Mark even stopped at McDonald’s along the way. They hooked me up to all the monitors again and of course my contractions subsided a little bit while I was there. The doctor told me again that I was not in active labor but that I was now 100% effaced and it could happen at anytime but he was still sending me home. I was so upset and so tired from not sleeping for the past three days due to the pain. He told me they would not induce me until I was 39 weeks and I was just 3 days shy.
We made our way home and as the hours passed the contractions just got worse. At this point, I was scared to call or go back into the hospital only to be sent home again. I could barely keep my eyes open yet couldnt fall asleep due to having a intense contraction every few minutes. As the night went on and my pain progressed, I finally had enough and told(yelled at) Mark to call the doctor again. The contractions were now 3-5 minutes apart and I felt like I was doing to die from the pain. The doctor told Mark he still didnt think it was time and for me to wait it out. I could have KILLED this man. At this point, we knew Beckham was going to be coming soon but I was so worried that by the time I actually made it to the hospital I was going to be so sleep deprived that I wouldn’t be able to push. Finally around 11PM, I was screaming to Mark to call the doctor again because the pain was unbearable. The doctor told me to wait it out prescribed me Vicodin to help me sleep so off Mark went to a 24 hour Walgreen’s to pick it up. ( I was so fed up with this doctor by this point!)
I called my mom and told her what was going on, only having to hang up the phone every 3 minutes to try to breathe and make it through a contraction. She begged me not to take the Vicodin knowing that Beckham would be here sooner than later. Mark didn’t even have time make it home to me with the medicine before I called him telling it was TIME and that I was going to the hospital. I was in so much pain, I decided that if they tried to send me home again, I would just lie on the ER floor until they did something with me. Yes, it was THAT bad.
We already had our bags packed and ready to go in the car from our previous trip to the hospital that morning so out the door we went. Luckily, due to the time( 12AM) there wasnt much traffic although every second that passed felt like an eternity me. We had to go through the ER department due to the late hour, and I had to sit there and fill out paper work for about 10 minutes before someone came down from the maternity word and got me, needless to say I was not a happy camper. ( Who the heck decided to have women in labor have to fill out their own paper work, could this not wait?!?)
Once we got up to the maternity ward, they hooked me up to all their machines again and checked me and immediately told us that it was definitely time. I was 5 CM , 100% effaced and Beckham’s head was almost ready to pop out. I was whisked away into my room and they started prepping me from the IV’s to receive my epidural. I had to wait about 20 minutes before getting my epidural, I thought that I would have been nervous at the point but I could careless about the big needle going in my back. All I could think about was getting relief from the crazy contractions.
A few hours after I had my epidural, the idiot doctor who was still on call came in to break my water. I just smiled a big “I told you so” grin at him when he walked in. I think he was embarrassed for sending me home earlier and not allowing me to come earlier the second time around. I started pushing right during a shift change and luckily Beckham stayed put until the next set of doctors arrived. It was a little chaotic due to having all new nurses come in as well as two different doctors but I only pushed for about an hour before he was crowning and the new doctor( Dr.Campbell) was ready to deliver. Although my actual labor was fairly painless and easy, I was so exhausted from not sleeping for the past 72 hours that I was trying to fall asleep while pushing. I also did not eat the entire day Sunday because the pain made me so nauseous, so of course I was STARVING the entire time since they don’t allow you to eat once you arrive at the hospital. It was very tough on me and I don’t know how I gathered up the strength to push him out but I did. I pushed 3 times after the doctor came in before I heard that sweet cry I had waited so long for.
Mark and I instantly burst into tears, a moment that I cannot even put into words.
The next 48 hours were filled with pure joy, laughter , fear and tears. Of course, I wasn’t able to sleep due to excitement. I was running on pure adrenaline, not sure how I managed it but I did and I am glad I didn’t miss one single moment.
There are so many times I find myself just staring at him. I cannot believe that I am one of the lucky ones. Not only was I chosen to be a mommy, but his mommy. He is my greatest accomplishment and I do not know what I did to deserve this kind of happiness but I take in and savor every single moment. I remember the time when I thought there was no hope for me becoming a mother and now everyday I wake up not only as mother but as a better person. Who knew a love like this existed, it was something I use to only dream about. Now I wake up everyday living that dream and looking into those beautiful baby blue eyes. There really are no words to describe my happiness and my hope and dream is that one day for every single person to be able to experience a love like this!
Until Next Time…
P.S.-My next post will be about my first few weeks of motherhood( Boy, do I have a lot to say!) the challenges of breastfeeding and the top baby products I think every new mama should own. Stay tuned!!