Last night I attended a group meeting with a couple of ladies who have or are currently going through Infertility. This group is called “Mommies In Waiting” and was created by Jamie (I have blogged about her and her remarkable story in the past) as support group for those of us who have struggled through years of waiting for our miracles. When I first got the invite to join the group on Facebook, I thought it may have been a mistake because I am no longer infertile right?(Wrong) As I looked around the page, I came across a post that explained the purpose of the group and realized that it was for anyone who had or is currently struggling with Infertility. Being invited to this group really made me feel good. As soon as I get pregnant, I was immediately shunned by my fellow infertile friends which in some ways was to be expected but it still hurt my feelings. These were the people who I relied on for so long and all of a sudden they wanted nothing to do with me, it wasn’t an easy pill to swallow.
Everyone began posting their stories and as I read through each one of them, I would get that awful feeling in the pit of my stomach. I chose not to post my story because compared to what these women had gone through, my journey seemed like a walk in the park. When Jamie decided to host a meeting at her home, I was again..hesitant to attend due to the fact that I am no longer (for now) in their position. She assured me to come and tell my story. Due to Mark’s schedule, I had no one to watch Beckham and as bad as I wanted to go I felt as though it would be totally in appropriate to bring him with me. Jamie assured me again that it was okay and that her 1 year son Liam would be there as well. I debated turing around a few times on the way to her house. I’m not going to lie, I felt like a total ass when I walked in with Beckham. I was that girl that I hated a year ago. Surprisingly, everyone was very welcoming and I hope that one day, after they all finally get to meet their miracle babies (fingers crossed) they will understand how much their warmth meant to me because although I did overcome Infertility and have a perfect little babe of my own…it is still a huge part of who I am. I also hope that it showed them that there is another side to all of this. This time in a women’s life is so lonely and painful. It’s hard to imagine it any other way. I hope that as I sat there in front of them with my sweet Beckham, it gave them a glimmer of hope. After the meeting, I realized that my journey to motherhood seems like a walk in the park now especially because I finally have everything I ever wanted but the truth is…despite what I did or didn’t go through..it was no leisurely walk in the park. It was pure hell and I was reminded of that last night. Sometimes I don’t know how I made it through. It has been a whirlwind since I found out I was pregnant and those painful days have now been filled with joy.
Getting to know these remarkable women and hearing their stories face to face last night brought me back to the darkest time in my life. Sometimes it’s nice to reflect because it just makes you that much more grateful. I saw myself in each and every one of them and as they sat there and gathered the courage and fought through the tears…I couldn’t help but be in awe of them. Their grace and poise was something I wish I would have had more of. I don’t think they realize how strong they really are. I remember feeling so hopeless and weak during that time in my life and I am so thankful Jamie started this group. I know that Mark and I could go down this road again when the time comes to try for another babe and it’s very comforting to know that I will always have this continuous support no matter what. So thank you to everyone I met last night and to Jamie as well, I can’t wait to follow your journeys to motherhood and welcome you to the other side. 😉
Until Next Time…