181 Days Of Motherhood & Then Some

1thru6months

  These first 6 months of motherhood have been amazing, frustrating, joyful and full of confusing experiences.

Here are a few of the things I have learned.

A Different Perspective I now see the world differently, I see the world through his eyes. Every decision I make, every judgement I pass, my son is in the back of my mind. We all want our kids to grow up and be something. I want Beckham to be a compassionate kind soul, humanitarian, animal activist, and good ole southern boy with manners for days. I want him to grow up and sweep his future wife off her feet. I want him to be the type of daddy his father is. I want him to be the good neighbor and the friend someone can always call for help. I not only want his life to be good, but I want him to make other people’s life good great. If I want him to grow up this way, I have to make sure I am practicing what I am preaching. I want him to learn from example and the best example he will ever have is his father and I. This makes me strive to be a better person, each and every day.

“Me-time” is long gone- but that’s okay. I know everyone says to not “loose” yourself after you have a baby but what if you like the new you? Although I eat sleep and breathe Beckham….I am still the same person, just better. I’d rather spend every second of my day with him than do anything else. Sure, I have date nights with my husband, go shopping while my mom watches him etc. but you see…I miss him the entire time. I don’t enjoy what I am doing if he is not with me. So don’t ever let anyone tell you that you have to take time for yourself and or not to lose yourself. I had time for myself for the last 26 years, the rest of my time here on this earth is my children’s…sorry I’m not sorry! (not saying there is anything wrong with enjoying time to yourself, I just prefer to spend my time with him)

My wardrobe no longer exist- Well it’s all still there but, it’s collecting dust at the back of my closet. I used to wear heels every day, and now I’d probably break my leg if I wore any of my heels trying to get Beckham in and out of the car etc. Flats or tennis shoes it is! I work in the corporate world so slacks and dressy shirts are what I wear Monday-Friday 9-5PM. 5PM-rest of the night and all day on the weekends….spandex. Whoever invited spandex deserves the world!

Crying-There is lots of crying. Crying when he cries, crying the first time I left him, crying every time he achieves a new milestone, crying when is he sick, crying when he smiles and laughs at me because in that moment I realize that I have ever thing I ever need. There is nothing more therapeutic than a baby’s laughter, it truly is the purest sound.  Sometimes Beckham and I laugh so hard we cry. So yes…you see…lots of crying!

Worrying- As if I wasn’t already a worrier before…my worries are at a whole kind of crazy now.

-Examples-

Every cough

(What if this turns into something serious, is he having trouble breathing?)

Every poop

(Should it look like that? It’s too green, is it too runny? Why does it look sticky? It looks different than it did yesterday)

Every bottle

(Did he drink enough? Did he drink too much? When should he start drinking more? Why is he drinking so much?)

Every car ride

(Is his car seat safe? Did I strap him in right? Is it too tight? Is it too loose? Is he too hot? Why is the dang car seat SO heavy?!!)

Every sleepless night

(Is he breathing? Is he comfortable? What if he flips to his belly? What if he wonders where I am? What if hes scared? Whats that noise?)

Every milestone

(Why is he not rolling over yet? Why is he not sitting up? When will he craw? Isn’t he supposed to be walking by now?)

Every day that I drop him off at his sitters

(Does he miss me? Is he having fun? Are the other kids being nice? Does he remember that I am his mommy? Am I missing out on important moments in his life? Are we spending enough together? Should I quit my job and stay at home?)

I will be worrying until I’m dead…and then probably even after that 😉

A new kind of love- Just when you didn’t think it was possible to love your husband anymore. Watching him with our baby is one of the most rewarding experiences. Beckham is so lucky to have such a wonderful role-model. Knowing that I carried and gave my husband this precious gift and we are able to share the love together is very an overwhelming feeling. Not to mention, I think our husbands get 100x hotter when they are holding a baby, especially their own!

Friendships as we know them…will change– Some for the worse and some for the better. Juggling my friendships has been a lot harder than I expected. I have experienced a lot of disappointment in Beckham’s short 6 months of life. I thought all of my friends would be excited about my son as I was. I thought the ones who didn’t have kids would love the fact that they could come cuddle and play with him for an hour and then give him back. I thought that my relationship with my friends who already have kids would go stronger as now we have another thing in common and it really threw me for a loop when a lot of my relationships started struggling. Begin rant- My biggest pet peeve in life is when people expect or will expect Mark and I to be a part of their pregnancies and child’s life but they weren’t a part of ours. Just because you came to my baby shower, doesn’t mean you have been a part of Beck’s life. He’s been on this earth for half a year now and if you have only seen him one time, but consider us good enough friends to expect us to be involved in your child’s life…may want to reconsider what you expect from us. Asking how he is through a text message when the only reason you are texting us in the first place is because you want something doesn’t count either This may sound harsh, but again this is my biggest pet peeve and I have no tolerance for it. Sometimes I feel as though Mark and I are taken advantage of when it comes to things like this and quite frankly I am over it. I have to learn to accept that the most important people in his life, will be there for him. If they arent, they arent important. End rant. 

Bad Days are long gone- It is almost impossible to have a bad day knowing that I get to come home and cuddle with the two most important people in my life. Not to say there aren’t some days that I wish I could fast-forward through, but only until I pick my babe up from daycare. Then I wish I could hit pause and enjoy every moment I have with that boy. The moments go by so fast. I wish I could remember them all.

True Love– Of course I love my family and my husband but the love I have for my son is different. Not any more or any less….it’s just different. Sometimes I can’t even comprehend how deep my love for him goes. It is a surreal feeling, and I get to experience it every single second of every day. I was warned before having him that boys love their mamas-and I thank my friends for the fair warning. But what no one warned me about what the deep, burning, connection that I’d feel with him. A connection that only him and I will ever understand. The connection that is only every known between a mama and her boy.

 becksonchair

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Thank you, sweet Beckham, for teaching me as much — though probably more — over the past half a year as I have taught you. I love you even more with every passing day.<3

P.S.-To my mamas out there-I still have no idea what I’m doing, do you?

Heres to the next 6 months trying to figure it all out.

Until Next Time…

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