Dear Beckham, On Your First Birthday…

Beckham Parker,

I cannot believe this day is finally here. It is a day that I have looked forward too and dreaded at the same time. Many days and nights of the first few weeks of your life, I wasn’t sure how we would ever get here, to this day, this moment. You’ve been my biggest worry and my biggest happiness. Many nights consisted of me endlessly researching things so I could always provide the best for you. We spent every day together – laughing, dancing, being silly and exploring this world, together. When I think of life before you, it feels like something was missing, as if I wasn’t yet complete. We have both grown together over this past year. You learned many things, and I learned many things. You taught me more than I taught you. You are growing, healthy and happy….a parents only dream in life. Lucky for me, it’s not a dream but reality. I truly am the lucky one.

I remember the days following your birth, all my friends asking me “so, how is motherhood?” and while I was the happiest I had ever been, I was beyond stressed and exhausted. You were not an easy baby. We spent many days at the doctor’s office and while I may have been an overly protective first time mom…you gave us lots of scares! I never knew I could worry about something so much. I look back and I feel proud because these last 12 months consists of the first day of your life, and your dad and mines life. These 12 months are the first two weeks at home when your dad and I had absolutely no idea what we were doing but learned to trust our instincts. These 12 months are the first 3 months of crying, colic, reflux and GI issues when I realized that no book could have possibly prepared me for these kinds of things. So many moments when I doubted myself and my ability to be your mother. But also, in these 12 months are endless smiles, giggles, and snuggles that completely melt my heart every time. But most importantly, these 12 months are 365 days that my love grows for you with each passing day. You have given meaning to my life, taught me the love only a mother could know and showed me a confidence in myself that I never knew was there.

12monthcollage

I keep wondering when the wonderment of being your mother will wear off. I still spend countless hours watching your every move in amazement. I have replayed your birth repeatedly, trying to make sense of that day and the love that I felt.

Now, if my friends were to ask me again “so, how is motherhood?” my answer may be a little different. I no longer get to spend my entire day with you, you go to “daycare” and I go to work. My favorite part of each day is getting to see your face when I arrive to pick you up. You have friends at daycare and probably have more fun playing with them than when it’s just us two. Matter of fact, one morning last week when I dropped you off, you took off crawling and didn’t even look back. Proud moment, but I must say it tugged at my heart a little bit. I am not sure I am ready for this new-found independence of yours but I know you are more than ready to explore this world on your own.

I know you wont remember anything from your first year, which is why I have tried my best to document it. I have kept up with many of your milestones, taken countless pictures/videos of you and shared with the world. I know for sure that I am that annoying mom who post every second of their child’s life on social media but I don’t care. I am so proud of you and I want to show you off. I want the world to know you and watch you grow because you will do great things one day. You have touched SO many people’s lives already. You are one special little boy. The moment you were formed in my womb…God had a plan for you and I know that plan included not only giving your dad and I hope and joy, but many others as well….and son, you have not disappointed. Your bright blue eyes, toothy smile and pudgy cheeks are infectious. Strangers cant help but stop and get to know you. You wouldn’t believe all the warm smiles you get as the world flies by you. It is truly an amazing thing to witness. You can find joy in almost anything and your joy fills the room. You know you’re funny and you will do anything to get a laugh, such a comedian you are!

I hope that one day you will understand and get to experience this love that I have for you. Our bond is only one that we can understand. I know this is a little far-fetched but I already tear up over just the thought of your wedding day and the mother/son dance. I am so privileged that I get to watch you grow into a handsome young man.

You have this big ole world in your hands and I know you are going to make it a better place.

Here’s to your next year!

Happy 1st Birthday!!

Love,

Mom

 ALM_1784

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