Second Chance Mama

I can’t believe 7 months ago our world changed again for the BETTER. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again and again-my heart is bursting with double the love every single day.  This is another one of those feelings that you cannot truly understand until you’re in the middle of it, wrapped up in the daily chaos of sticky hands, boo boos, stealing kisses and reading just one more bedtime story each night. It’s the first time you see the instant love and bond your children have for each other for these are the moments I have waited for my whole life and here they are, right slap in front of me and I never want them to end. When your first child is born, you don’t know how there will ever be any way life could get any better but how amazing is it that it can and will. I was so naive to that. My expectations of  how much one can really love has been blown out of the water by a long, brown head, blue-eyed boy.

View More: http://ashleyhalesphotography.pass.us/the-mcswain-family--march-2018

I’ve written blogs before about how I owe everything to my first-born and that still holds true. I sometimes wish I could go back and be the mom I am today for him. I keep reminding myself that both of them have gotten the best of me in some way or another. Beckham had me all to himself while Ledger has had to share his time but I feel like I am a better mom now. I am no longer naive and intimidated by anyone including doctors, other moms, teachers etc. I know I may be a bit hard on myself because I was learning how to be a mom the first time around but I’ve come a long way. I refuse to let anyone tell me or make me think that I am not doing something the right way. I no longer feel the need to do things just because other moms are doing it or buy something just because its organic although I do still buy organic milk, I’m weird about milk and for some reason this makes me feel better. I was so caught up in being that “perfect mom” the first time and I feel as though I am finally allowing myself a little bit of grace during this wild journey of motherhood.

It’s so stinkin easy to get caught up in this fake world of motherhood. Everyone’s social media is nothing but picture-perfect moments following by the perfect filter, lighting, props etc. I will say I am 100% guilty of trying to get that perfect picture and I know I spend too much time editing each picture but I also no longer allow myself to get caught up in that world. I try  my best to make sure things that I share with the world are real life because real life IS the perfect life and sometimes in today’s society it’s hard to remember that.

Ready for some confessions? 

I’ll be the  first to admit that my 4-year-old has a TV in his room and I know I will get judged for that HARD but guess what-don’t care! I grew up with a TV in my room and could basically watch TV anytime I wanted and I turned out just fine. We have always been super lenient with screen time and I would say its paid off because Beckham could care less about TV. He would much rather be playing or outside. I have never really enforced a bed time because as a working mom-I’ll take all the time I can get with my babies. They have the rest of their life to have to worry about bed times, schedules, alarm clocks etc. so I’m not a tad bit worried about that right now.

My motto-LET THEM BE LITTLE.

View More: http://ashleyhalesphotography.pass.us/the-mcswain-family--march-2018

How are they so perfect?!? Swoooooonnnnnnn

Pancakes-the frozen mini ones-that is what is for breakfast EVERY SINGLE day because that is all he will eat. Some days they are on the menu for dinner too-depends on if I want to fight that battle or not. Other days dinner consists of chicken nuggets, instant mac & cheese, yogurt and beans and this is not for lack of trying-it’s just all he will eat. He just took his first vitamin the other day and he is 4 years old-again, not for lack of trying but he actually tried the gummy vitamin and he liked it! Progress-sloooooooow progress. I used to stress over this so bad. I still do but not near as much. I will always be thankful for the doctors who didn’t make me feel like a complete failure while dealing with the world’s pickiest eater. I’ve age 10 years fighting this battle with him and while it’s getting a TAD bit easier I’m still not seeing the light of the end the tunnel but I know it’s there somewhere…maybe…hopefully!

Our sweet little Ledger has never really taken a nap in his crib. Why? Because he sleeps better on his little boppy lounger and its more convenient for me. We also co-sleep and NEVER LET HIM CRY. We co-slept with his brother too and he didn’t move into his own room until he was 3.5 years old. Post something like that in a mom group and you are sure to be chewed up, spit out and stepped on in a matter of minutes! We are on no real schedule, we do things on the fly. Some days we eat dinner at 10:30 PM( & sometimes it’s all from a can) We just do what works for us because for right now, we can. I’m sure once we start Kindergarten next year( HOW?!) things will change so for right now-we are soaking up each moment of the madness and there is a whole lotta loving and laughing along the way.

I wouldn’t have dared told anyone anything like this the first time around and trust me there is so much more. I was a wanna be crunchy mama but turns out I’m just an ordinary mom who is now  confident enough to know that no matter how much I seem to THINK I fail them daily as long as they are loved, they will turn out to be the kind gentle souls that we all long to be. 5 years ago, I wasnt sure if I would ever be able to have children and here I am getting a second chance to be an even better mama this time around.

Love,

A not so crunchy, free range, but still a helicopter mama who loves her boys very very much, even more than she loves herself<3

View More: http://ashleyhalesphotography.pass.us/the-mcswain-family--march-2018

Until Next Time..

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